Em'z

Meh!

2009-08-25T21:07:54Z

I miss Bicon. Most of all i miss the lovely people. :( making a post on here about how fab bicon was is just too depressing, so haven't done it yet. I thought the hour i spent crying on the train was my bicon come down.............but it would seem my bicon comedown isn't done with yet.

I didn't get to go to the cuddle party.....but one right now would be fab. :(

OMG! I HAVE THE BESTEST NEWS EVER!

2009-08-24T00:30:46Z

......................THERE IS A GOD AND THEY HAVE DECIDED TO LOVE ME. :D

Read cut....although of a naughty nature

I was 100% right about my anti-depressants causing me nasty lady garden pain! Next time i see (all three) of the doctors and the gyno bitch lady....i'm going to shove the leaflet about the side affects of Dosulepin down their throats and set it alight with fire and watch them burn (or i'll be writing complants to each and everyone of the cunts bosses).

Now i can go back to being me again. Four months is a VERY VERY VERY VERY LONG time to be deprived of sex (without pain) and i am going to be making up for lost time! Yay i can go back to being nimpho em j! You will not believe how hard the last four months have been, not just on me but i'm sure my lovely's aswell. If i'd of demanded different tablets months ago, i could of been a complete slut at bicon, aswell as had lots of sex with my lovely's obviously.

OMG, i can't really afford it but i'm going god damn toy shopping this week!

Meh.....it's aweful when you are so horny that you avoid snogging, because you are that frustrated you're worried about leaving puddles wherever you go!

Sorry for too much info, but i'm excited that my lady garden is no longer useless!

YAY! I CAN HAVE LOTS OF SEX NOW! ISN'T THAT FUCKING AWESOME!?

P.s. bicon was amazing too, but sex wins more! will write about bicon tomorrow when i have a break from wanking. :D

Proud little sister moment......

2009-08-19T12:07:13Z

Tomorrow my brother is leaving Northwich to take part in the 2009 Ramshackle Rally to Valencia......

There are two teams setting out from the Bowling Green (my not so local, local) on the 20th August. Their journey will take them some 1450 miles and through 4 countries in just 4 days. Peter pan and the boys from never never land (Mike and his mates) are tearing themselves away from the bowling green for the weekend all in the name of charity and i'm rather proud right now. :D

For more info, click on this link

http://www.bowlersrally.freewebspace.com/

Ok i'm officially getting nervous now!

2009-08-17T12:44:48Z

My tummy is going crazy with nerves. So i actually think it would be a good idea if for once i'm a good girl and i have not dairy or wheat/gluten. So i was wondering if i could ask a favour.....is anyone from manchester (biphoria) whom is traveling by car to bicon able to take a carrier bag for me? Anyone arriving on thursday during the day/early eve would be fab. Cos carrying soya milk, soya spread, cake, gluten free bread etc via bus/train/taxi would be a pain in the arse.....also knowing soya bread it'll turn into cardboard flavoured crums by the time i arrive.

If anyone could do me this favour i would be very grateful and i could pass on the carrier bag to you at the bisocial on tuesday evening.

Hope someone can help. cheers em j x

random i know...............

2009-06-23T09:20:59Z

why has my cat developed an obsession with licking paper? Is that like the cat version of licking wondows!? It's not because of the glue on envelopes either, because it's all kinds of paper and she's been rolling around on paper too! Maybe some bastard has sprayed my paper with cat nip for the lols

birthday wishes.....

2009-06-14T12:08:42Z

HAPPY BIRTYHDAY FLO. :D

You know it's going to be a good day when.......

2009-06-01T11:12:30Z

........you wake up from an incredibly horny dream about boobs and have a thirst for juice all day! ;p

Yesterday was lovely. I woke up from my dream as horny as hell and had a lovely morning in bed with my steve. I got spolit as usual and got breakfast in bed. Then steve helped me get rid of some of the cardboard that was lying around from the move. Actually something bad did happen. My babe tripped when he was carrying some cardboard and hurt his arm. We think he might of torn a muscle. Is it bad that the thought of playing nurse also made me horny?
I actually quite enjoyed running around and doing things for him. I got to cut his grass for him. I wish i got to do little jobs for him more aften. I feel so much happier about myself when i feel like a useful sub.
I don't like steve suffering one bit, but i really enjoyed feeling needed as a sub aswell as a girlfriend.

A very lovely thing happened last thursday........

2009-01-26T11:59:02Z

.....Flo asked me to be her girlfriend and i said yes!

I am a VERY lucky girl. :D

Flo has also started going out with Dan. This makes me very happy.
It will be my pleasure to be Dan's metamour, as he is a top bloke and i couldn't think of a nicer Man to share my beautiful lady with.

*smiles* My weekend was heavenly. :D

Today i bring news of the yay/happy kind!

2009-01-09T14:09:57Z

Stu(doctorstewie) and i got back together last night!

I am a very happy bunny :D

Yay me!

damn it!

2008-11-09T14:51:48Z

My kettle has broke (i broke it). Perfect timing like most things!

I'm fed up..................no i'm pissed off actually!

2008-09-20T10:38:11Z

I have a box in my wardrobe, with little bits and bobs from the past.....a box of memories. All of them precious in their own way. Yeah they are COVERED IN FUCKING MOULD!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

My tenency agreement is up on 8th November and if the damp problem isn't sorted then i'm gonna have to move out....which would mean more upheavel and upsetts. The most annoying thing that leaves me torn is, i LOVE this flat. And i'd have to go on yet another waiting list to get help, because of moving areas!

I haven't seen my girl in eight days :-(

Steve made me sit through the entirety of a VERY DULL version of Macbeth last night (i have to do Macbeth this year in English). The only highlight to it was that Sir Ian Mckellen was in it looking very dashing. OMG he had amazing cheekbones in his younger years. Steve and i had a disscusion afterwards about how dull it was. Personlly i think that Macbeth is more of a boys play and i would rather do one with a hot girly in it (or a fair maiden). Even one with a love story would be better. Grrrr i might fall asleep in class if i have to watch another dull version of Macbeth. Infact watching that play, was the worse tourture Steve (a.k.a. my Master) has ever inflicted upon me!

Other than that steve has been wonderful at looking after me. :-) Last night i was too poorly to do my new duties as beard and hair trimmer. :-(

Help!

2008-02-16T11:55:53Z

Anyone know where i can get some white chocolate skulls from?

I'm gonna need alot, asap!

They are for ollys b-day cup cakes!

big kids!

2008-02-15T22:32:29Z

I love my housemates!

we're all such big kids! Especially olly!

ok...i'm slightly less panicked about my maths course suffering....

2008-01-21T16:45:41Z

because of my depression....

I sent my tutor a email today, to say that i wasn't in a good way right now and i felt as if work work was suffering because of it. And she sent my a lovely email back, with some fantastic news;

'Emma

I am so pleased you have got in touch. I tried last week and have been worried about you.

do not worry about your coursework. Both Leon and myself will help you through all this.

You did FANTASTIC in the exam - you are a star *. You got 44 out of 45. Grade C and right at the top.

I will be in work today until 6pm. I will be in tomorrow until 2pm. You can come to see me here or I can arrange to see you say in Radcliffe library (or I'll buy you a cup of tea) whatever you want.

Thanks for contacting me. Keep in touch

Kay'

*By the way, i'm in a grade c or below class. Overall i aim to get a c anyways*

I want this year to be over already!

2007-12-26T18:46:43Z

Last Thursday things hit me hard (i got the rest of my things from mikes).....and i got pretty upset for various reasons and self harmed in the evening. I really felt like i'd let myself down........but i'm just putting it down to a really stressful day!

Anyways, i wished for boobies for christmas and my wish came true! I also got shoes and money from my parents (lol, i spent some of the money, buying sex toys online).

Christmas day went pretty well! I watched porn after dinner and got pissed.

I did have a bit of a cry at one point though. Sometimes unfortunatly you can't help who you find yourself missing on christmas day!

For me and for you.

2007-12-19T21:00:23Z

EVANESCENCE LYRICS

"Understanding (Wash It All Away)"

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)

The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone

"You're not alone, honey."
"Never... Never."

Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away

"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"God, please don't hate me"
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."

outside!

2007-11-22T22:39:42Z

i ventured out of the house tonight and i'm really glad i did! I went to see julie and dave :-)

So while i'm feeling a smidgen confident in being outside, i might venture out with olly and feebs tomorrow night!
The place will prolly be too hot to wear pvc right? Also fed up as the suspender belt i've worn once has a rip in it! I wouldn't mind but it is a 'what katie did' one, so i expected it to last! Maybe it's fixable, we'll see! I cold wear my sexy red basque, with skirt i made ,fishnet stockings, *suspender belt. I dunno. i'll prolly faff about and wear something completely unsexy, that covers my flabby bits up!

I just fancy a bit of kink, getting pissed and maybe a bit of a dance......something that involves shaking my arse would be nice!

we'll see!

How you can help

2007-10-04T00:19:54Z

How can friends and family help?

If someone you love and care about is self-harming, it can be very difficult to cope with your own feelings of shock, anger, guilt, grief and helplessness. You may be very afraid of what might happen. Try to enlist the help of family, friends and professionals to support you. (See Useful organisations.)

Although you may feel helpless, what you do or don't do can make a lot of difference. If you pay due attention to their injuries, you affirm that they and their body are worth caring about. But don't just focus on the injuries. It's important that you appreciate how difficult your friend or relative is finding life. Showing them you want to understand will matter a great deal.

You can begin by gently encouraging them to examine their feelings and to talk to someone about why they self-harm. You may find what they have to say difficult to hear. If it feels too much for you, help them to find someone else to talk to. It's possible to be honest with them about your own feelings and not to panic, blame them, treat them as if they are mad, or make them feel guilty. Being uncritical will help them feel accepted and cared for, instead of even more self-hating. Keep emphasising all the non-harming aspects of the person's life to help develop and support their sense of self-worth.

Don't expect change to happen quickly; and don't hold on to any expectation that your friend or relative can stop self-harming just because you want them to. People who self-harm are trying to resist feeling the full weight of their emotions. This defence mechanism can't be dismantled easily. It takes time for people to learn that their feelings won't destroy them. It's important you resist the temptation to step in, constantly, to try to solve the problem. In the end, each individual has to draw on their own strengths and find their own healing inner resources.

Self Harming imformation

2007-10-03T23:50:52Z

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is a way of expressing very deep distress. Often, people don't know why they self-harm. It's a means of communicating what can't be put into words or even into thoughts and has been described as an inner scream. Afterwards, people feel better able to cope with life again, for a while.

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Self-harm is a broad term. People may injure or poison themselves by scratching, cutting or burning their skin, by hitting themselves against objects, taking a drug overdose, or swallowing or putting other things inside themselves. It may also take less obvious forms, including taking stupid risks, staying in an abusive relationship, developing an eating problem, such as anorexia or bulimia, being addicted to alcohol or drugs, or simply not looking after their own emotional or physical needs.

These responses may help you to cope with feelings that threaten to overwhelm you; painful emotions, such as rage, sadness, emptiness, grief, self-hatred, fear, loneliness and guilt. These can be released through the body, where they can be seen and dealt with. Self-harm may serve a number of purposes at the same time. It may be a way of getting the pain out, of being distracted from it, of communicating feelings to somebody else, and of finding comfort. It can also be a means of self-punishment or an attempt to gain some control over life. Because they feel ashamed, afraid, or worried about other people's reactions, people who self-harm often conceal what they are doing rather than draw attention to it.

It's worth remembering that most people behave self-destructively at times, even if they don't realise it. Perfectly ordinary behaviour, such as smoking, eating and drinking too much, or working long hours, day after day, can all be helping people to numb or distract themselves and avoid being alone with their thoughts and feelings.

Why do people harm themselves?

A person who self-harms is likely to have gone through very difficult, painful experiences as a child or young adult. At the time, they probably had no one they could confide in, so didn't receive the support and the emotional outlet they needed to deal with it. The experience might have involved physical violence, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse. They might have been neglected, separated from someone they loved, been bullied, harassed, assaulted, isolated, put under intolerable pressure, made homeless, sent into care, into hospital or to other institutions.

Experiences like these erode self-esteem. Emotions that have no outlet may be buried and blocked completely out of awareness. If a trusted adult betrays or abuses them, and there are no other witnesses, children will often blame themselves. They turn their anger inwards. By the time they become adults, self-injury can be a way of expressing their pain, punishing themselves, and keeping memories at bay.

There is often an absence of pain during the act of self-injury, rather like the absence of sensation that often occurs during abuse or trauma. The body produces natural opiates, which numb it and mask the emotions, so that little is felt or realised consciously.

A badly traumatised person may end up feeling quite detached from their feelings and their body. Some may injure themselves to maintain that sense of being separate, and to convince themselves that they aren't vulnerable. Others may injure themselves in order to feel something and know that they are real and alive.

Healthcare professionals have been criticised for assuming that people who self-harm require no anaesthetic for stitching wounds. This is just one of the myths exploded in new guidelines on self-harm, developed by NICE (the National Institute for Clinical Excellence). Similarly, professionals sometimes make assumptions about why someone has injured themselves, particularly if they have done it before. But the meaning is different for each person, each time they self-harm. It is not a sign, in itself, that someone has a mental health problem. (See Useful organisations

Who is most likely to self-harm?

According to recent research, the majority are young women, although the percentage of young men seems to be on the increase. Self-harming behaviour is also significant among minority groups discriminated against by society. Someone who has mental health problems is more likely to self-harm. So are those who are dependent on drugs or alcohol, or who are faced with a number of major life problems, such as being homeless, a single parent, in financial difficulty or otherwise living in stressful circumstances. One important common factor is a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness.

Recent research focusing on young people suggests that 10 per cent of 15 to 16 year olds have self-harmed, usually by cutting themselves, and that girls are far more likely to self-harm than boys. The most common reason is 'to find relief from a terrible situation'. Young people are often under great pressure within their families, from school and among their peers. Many young people report having friends who also self-harm.

The research suggests that young people who self-harm are much more likely to have low self-esteem, to be depressed and anxious. They seem to be facing more problems in life, but may be less good at coping with them. They may retreat into themselves, feeling angry, blaming themselves, tending to drink and smoke too much and to use more recreational drugs. They confide in fewer friends, and tend not to talk to their parents or other adults, or to ask for the help they need.

Physical, emotional or sexual abuse
Women often find themselves in a caring role, putting their own needs last. This can grossly undermine their sense of worth, their opinions and strengths. In due course, a woman may come to feel she is an unimportant, silent witness to the abuses she has to endure. She may lose her sense of identity, power and rights. To survive, she may cut herself off from her real needs. If the focus for this is the size and shape of her body, she may drastically restrict what she eats. (See Further reading.)

If men conform to the macho stereotype that expressing emotion is a weakness, it can leave them unable to feel their feelings, and detached from that side of themselves. They may have less difficulty showing anger than women, but if they are in prison, where pent-up feelings can't be released, men are more likely to turn to self-harm, especially if they have been abuse.

Is self-harm an attempt to commit suicide?

Self-harm is about trying to stay alive, despite the pain people are in. Although, there is a relationship between self-harm and suicide, many more people self-harm than kill themselves, and most people don't hurt themselves so badly as to risk their lives. Of those who do, suicide may not have been their intention; it's the feelings they want to wipe out.

Whether someone wants to live or die may seem to be a straightforward choice. But some people are suspended in a grey state of survival, where choices and decisions are kept on hold. This is where self-harm happens.

For those who self-harm, surviving is subject to rigid controls; feelings are suppressed for fear of what may lie behind them. If living means having to cope with acutely painful feelings and memories, and there is not enough support available, the choice not to be alive may be more understandable. When someone you care about talks about death, it's natural to fear they may go through with it, but these are the very feelings they need to explore. (See What help can I get?) Remember that human beings have an enormous capacity to survive great pain.

Is self-harming behaviour attention-seeking?

Because it can be hard to understand, healthcare professionals, friends and relatives sometimes mistakenly regard people who self-harm with mistrust or fear and see their behaviour as attention seeking and manipulative. If someone you know self-harms, you may feel helpless when faced with their wounds, and your own feelings and fears about the situation may cause you to blame them instead of supporting them (see How can friends and family help?). Bear in mind they may be using the only way they can to communicate their plight and to get the attention, care and comfort they need. However upsetting it may be for you, it doesn't necessarily mean this is their intention. Whether people have deep wounds or slight injuries, the problem they represent should always be taken very seriously. The size of the wound isn't a measure of the size of the conflict inside.

What triggers it?

You may harm yourself once or twice at a particularly difficult time in your life, and never do so again. But self-harming can become an ongoing way of coping with current problems and may occur regularly, on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis, depending on circumstances. The trigger could be a reminder of the past, such as an anniversary, which sets off a hidden memory, or something unexpected could happen to cause a shake-up. But sometimes, ordinary life is just so difficult that self-harm is the only way to cope with it.

Just want to help/educate some people with the hope the above might help them to understand.

awesome new band i discovered!

2007-10-02T13:59:38Z

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=109685609

Who's coming with on the tenth?

enough

2007-09-23T11:14:41Z

i'm sorry.

i love you all

dancing guy!

2007-09-07T19:45:16Z

We've had a guy that has randomly started dancing outside our store twice a week for the last few weeks..............ah and singing too! Lol, he sometimes is there dancing throughout my entire shift (no he doesn't fancy me.)!

So i looked on you tube to see if he was on there. with the students being back at college, he's drawn alot of attension as you can imagine...........

check out this link;

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7hE1Mk0XLzw

whats funny is i found this guy on you tube and not the actual guy i was looking for.

ejbigred @ 2007-09-06T23:40:00

2007-09-06T23:08:01Z

horrified! Someone added me as a favourite on okcupid............and it said on their profile that they hate cats! Do these people even bother reading my profile!
Anyways on another note i have a new lj friend...............that seems to know everybody on here already! It's a small small world!

unrelated;

The winter here is cold, & bitter
It's chilled us to the bone,
I haven’t seen the sun for weeks,
Too long, too far from home.
I feel just like I’m sinking,
And I claw for solid ground,
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And oh darkness I feel like letting go.

If all the of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place,
I know I can love you much better than this,
Full of grace,
Full of grace,
My love.

It's better this way, I say,
Having seen this place before,
Where everything we say and do,
Hurts us all the more.
It’s just that we stayed, too long,
In the same old sickly skin,
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And oh darkness I feel like letting go.
If all of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place,
I know I could love you much better than this,
Full of grace.

I know I can love you much better than this,
It’s better this way.

'step away from the computer.............

2007-09-05T11:50:23Z

and go to fucking work woman, ok!'

ok, if i must. :-(

question?

2007-09-04T23:58:50Z

is it still cute to blow kisses at the age of twenty four?

Also i was not licking windows ollie, i was trying to lick my lips in a seductive manor!